Written by Pei Aui - Melbourne Newborn, Maternity, Family and Couples Photographer.
It's 2am. You're lying on your side with a pillow wedged between your knees, and your brain has decided this is the perfect time to run through everything that could possibly go wrong. Is the baby moving enough? Did I eat something I shouldn't have? Will I know what to do when labour starts? What if I'm just not cut out for this?
Here's the truth. You're not being dramatic, you're not alone, and you're definitely not the only one doing this at 2am.
I'm Pei, a Melbourne newborn, maternity, family and couples photographer based in Point Cook. I spend a lot of time around mums in the months before and after their babies arrive, and the same worries come up again and again, usually said with a laugh to make them sound smaller. I did the same too when I was pregnant. So I did some reading to find out why this happens and what actually helps, and wrote it all down specially for my Melbourne mums and mums to be.
So how common is this, really?
Way more common than anyone tells you. PANDA, Australia's national perinatal mental health organisation, says as many as 1 in 5 expecting or new mums deal with anxiety or depression. For dads it's around 1 in 10. A Queensland study of almost 67,000 pregnant women found anxiety rates climbed from 7.4% in 2013 to 18.4% in 2022. The researchers think part of the reason it goes unspoken is the pressure on mums to keep it all together. Sound familiar?
So if your brain is on overdrive right now, you're in very good company. Here are the five worries that come up most in Australian research, why they tend to happen, and a few ways to quieten the anxious feeling itself.
1. "Is my baby okay?" The 2am classic
This is the big one. Worry about losing the baby and worry about the baby's health are among the most common pregnancy worries researchers see.
It makes sense when you think about it. Early pregnancy is a lot of waiting and not knowing, and you can't see or feel much yet. Your brain is trying to protect something precious with hardly any information. If you've had a loss before, the volume goes up even more.
Miscarriage is also more common than we're told. The 2025 Jean Hailes National Women's Health Survey found almost 4 in 10 Australian women who have been pregnant have had at least one before 20 weeks. And 61% of women wrongly believed lifting something heavy could cause one. So a lot of mums are carrying guilt over things that were never the cause.
What might help your head feel quieter:
- Write the worry down instead of replaying it. It gets it out of your head, and you've got a list ready for your next appointment.
- Try naming it. "I'm having a worried thought" is a different sentence to "something is wrong." Small change, real breathing room.
- Go easy on yourself about the guilt. Most of us were handed the same myths.
2. "What if I can't do this?" Fear of birth
If thinking about labour makes your stomach drop, you're in the majority. In a Queensland study of 1,410 pregnant women, 24% had high levels of fear about childbirth. For first time mums it was 31.5%, compared with 18% for mums who'd given birth before. Other Australian and Swedish research found about 30% of women had high fear, and that our relaxed "no worries" attitude can mean those fears get missed.
Interviews with Australian women who felt this way found a few common threads: not feeling confident to birth, fear of the unknown, and soaking up other women's negative birth stories. (Why does everyone share the worst one the second you're pregnant?) Pain and tearing came up too. For mums who'd given birth before, a hard first experience that never got talked through played a big part.
What might help:
- Choose whose birth stories you let in. "I'd love to hear that one after the baby arrives" is a full sentence.
- Slow your breathing when your thoughts spiral. Breathe out a little longer than you breathe in. It's a simple way of telling your body it's okay.
- Talk it through with someone who listens without trying to fix it. Fear said out loud tends to shrink.
3. "Why don't I recognise myself?" Body changes
Your body is doing something pretty incredible, and it can still feel strange to watch it change so fast. A study of 300 pregnant women found more body image worries went hand in hand with more anxiety and depression. That shows a link, not a cause, but it matches what so many mums say out loud.
Weight, shape and skin all shift quickly, usually while you're tired, nauseous and fielding comments from everyone you know. Then add the highlight reels on social media and the quiet pressure to bounce back before you’ve even given birth. No wonder it's a lot.
It's also the worry I hear most from mums before a maternity session, usually wrapped in a joke. If that's you, you're in very good company.
What might help:
- Spot the comparison and name it. "Ah, there's the comparison thought again" takes some of the sting out.
- Tidy your feed. If an account leaves you feeling worse, mute it. No explanation needed.
- Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to your best friend at the same stage. You'd never say that stuff to her.
4. "Will I be a good mum?" The quiet one
This one often hides behind a joke or a brave face. In an Australian study of women's experiences of perinatal anxiety, two themes stood out: uncertainty about the changes during pregnancy and after birth, and a lot of worry about motherhood itself. The same paper points out that anxiety in this period is often missed, even though effective help exists.
Becoming a mum is one of the biggest identity shifts you'll ever go through, and nobody hands you a map. Then there's the pressure to look like you've got it handled. The Queensland researchers called it a societal expectation on mums to keep it all together, which makes it harder to say "I'm struggling."
And if your family has strong views on how things should be done, that adds another layer. Your mum, your mother in law, your aunties and the group chat don't always agree with each other, let alone with your gut.
What might help:
- Remember nobody feels ready. Not knowing everything yet doesn't mean you'll be bad at it. It means you're new.
- Find one person you can say the unfiltered version to. Not the polished one. Just one.
- Let the advice in, then let most of it go back out. You get to keep what fits YOUR family.
5. "How is this all going to work?" Money, work and your relationship
It's not only about the baby. A review of pregnancy worries found women also worry about money, work, housing, their own health and their relationship with their partner. In one study, women reported more worries than fathers about the baby's health and their relationships, while dads worried more about money and juggling work and family.
It makes sense. A baby changes the whole shape of your household. Income, routines, sleep and who does what all shift at once, and you're trying to plan for it before you know what it'll look like. Research on becoming parents links financial stress, parenting stress and less time together with a dip in relationship satisfaction.
There's a nice flip side though. An Australian study of first time parents found couples who saw the baby's arrival as a team effort said it brought them closer.
What might help:
- Say the worry out loud to your partner as a worry, not a complaint. "I'm anxious about this" starts a very different conversation to "you're not doing enough."
- Give it an end point. Ten minutes to talk it through, then something completely different, like a walk or a show.
- Remind each other you're on the same side. The pressure is the opponent, not you.
Okay, so what actually helps?
A few things keep coming up, whatever the worry is.
Mindful breathing and mindfulness programs. A systematic review found early evidence that mindfulness programs, some with gentle yoga and breathing built in, may ease anxiety and depression in pregnancy. A small trial of 31 women found an eight week program lowered third trimester anxiety compared with a waitlist group. A UCLA pilot found six weeks reduced pregnancy specific anxiety more than a reading group did, although the effect had faded by the six week follow up. So it's encouraging but early. Think of it as a handy tool, not a cure.
Knowing when you've had enough Googling. Searching is completely normal in pregnancy. But in a study of 159 pregnant women, repeating searches and not knowing when to stop were linked to higher health anxiety. Pick one or two sources you trust and decide in advance when you're done.
Saying it out loud. Anxiety in pregnancy often gets missed, partly because mums don't want to look like they're not coping. Telling a friend, your partner, your midwife or your GP is often what loosens its grip.
Knowing where the line is. COPE, Australia's Centre of Perinatal Excellence, says some worry is a normal part of pregnancy. It's worth getting support when it shows up on most days and starts getting in the way of your life.
If it's getting too much, you don't have to carry it alone
If the worry is there most days and starting to affect your sleep, work or enjoying your pregnancy, please talk to your GP or midwife. It's what they're there for, and you won't be the first to bring it up.
You can also call the PANDA National Perinatal Mental Health Helpline on 1300 726 306. It's free counselling and support for expecting and new parents, Monday to Friday 9am to 7.30pm and Saturday 9am to 4pm. It's available in many languages, so if you need an interpreter, press 1 when you call. Outside those hours you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14, and in an emergency call 000.
And if all you need tonight is to hear you're not the only one lying awake overthinking, consider this your sign. You're not.
A little about me
I'm Pei, a Melbourne newborn, maternity, family and couples photographer in Point Cook. I photograph mums and families across Melbourne's west and beyond, from the first bump to the first birthday and all the chaos in between. If you'd like to see what that looks like, have a wander through my work on this site. No pressure at all. I hope you feel a little lighter after reading this :)